Should I stay or should I go?

You’ve been healing, for a while now and you’re in a great place. You’re happy and in the process of moving on. You’re not back to ‘normal’ because what is normal really? But you’re making progress – you no longer wallow in your own self-pity, you laugh more than you cry, you go out with your friends and family and you’re meeting new people! You don’t speak with him, not one word is exchanged for weeks…until you do. Now you’re chatting and of course you get on like a house on fire, as you expected. But you need to stay guarded and protect your heart, protect all of this progress you have made, which is so hard to do, harder than could ever be imagined.

You remind yourself that you are not together for a reason, and of all the things he has said and all of the ways he made you feel. No amount of that though, seems to stop you wanting to speak to him. You convince yourself that you can both be friends but realistically you know it’s way too early for that. It’s 5am and you’re still awake, still speaking and of course your brain is running wild thinking ‘if he didn’t still feel something he wouldn’t be bothering talking to you at this hour’ but who knows, really? Who knows how they think or what they’re thinking?

Is this all a game? A test, to see how easy it is to win me back, reel me back in and then let me go again? I know I shouldn’t, but I feel like I can’t help it. I try my best to distract myself but also make myself aware that I shouldn’t use other people to do so because I am not like him, I will not hurt other people in order to feed my own ego and avoid my own feelings. There are so many good traits and so many perfections to him but there are equally just as many bad traits and imperfections.

Remember, you do not want someone who makes you feel loved some of the time but makes you feel hard to love most of the time. You are NOT hard to love; you gave him everything and he turned his back. If he wants you, he will make that loud and clear, something which he hasn’t done so why would you stay?

You should go, for your own self-worth and strength, you should go. There’s a long future ahead of you where you can try to be friends, maybe. But now is not the right time, you’re not there yet. You should go.